Far From Perfect
by Aquamarine1212
Summary: After the Kraang invasion, the turtles, along with April and Casey, have been forced to leave the city. With Leo in an unconscious, coma-like state and their sensei gone, everyone starts to grow distant from each other. But when Christmas begins to draw near, a certain orange-masked terrapin decides that it's time to bring the family back together, whether they like it or not.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, Aqua here! :) So, I was randomly struck with inspiration for a Christmas story in October. It's a little early...but whatever! Who doesn't love a good, fluffy Christmas story? :3 If you hadn't already guessed, this takes place between the Season 2 Finale and the first episode of Season 3. Using my amazing deduction skills, I came to the conclusion that if Leo had been out for three months, and if it was snowing in the season finale, then Leo must have missed the most important holiday of the year; Christmas! Well, once I had came to that conclusion, I had to write about it! This will probably be a fairly short piece, not one of my 30 chapter 'monsters'. (Points to you if you understand this pun. Hint: you'll have to look at my stories) Anyways, enjoy 10-15 chapters of fluff and adorableness!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

The cabin was silent, as per usual. It was hard to believe they had been here for a month already. Hard to believe Leo hadn't woken up for a month. Each of the teens had fallen into a routine now, making this place their home.

April looked up from her book, the one she had already read at least three times, and glanced around the small living room. Mikey was humming from the kitchen, currently making something for supper. April marveled at how he had fallen right back into his place when they had arrived, his smile never faltering...and yet something seemed different. The playful sparkle in his eyes had began to fade, being replaced with something more adultlike. It made her sad. She glanced over at Casey, who had given up tinkering on the truck in the barn for the time being and was now lounging on the couch and staring blankly at the television.

Donnie and Raph were nowhere in sight, which was typical. One of them was always sitting beside Leo. They literally took turns watching over their oldest brother, desperately hoping against hope that he would wake up. When Donnie was watching over him, Raph was out chopping wood for the fireplace. They had quickly discovered upon arriving that the cabin had no heater, only a few fireplaces to keep them warm. They could never have too much wood in the house. When Raphael was sitting at his older brother's side, Donnie secluded himself out in the barn, which he had quickly turned into his own lab. April worried about him, out in the freezing cold barn by himself.

"Hey, April!" Mikey poked his head out from the kitchen. "You guys alright with ramen tonight? We're kinda low on the foodstuffs."

"Yeah, sure Mikey," April said somewhat absentmindedly, staring at the fire in the fireplace. How had things gotten to the point where they all seemed distant from each other? The days blurred into each other, each one exactly like the previous.

April was jolted out of her thoughts as the front door opened, sending in a blast of chilly air and revealing a frost-bitten Donatello. He was wrapped up in a coat, a scarf tied around his mouth and a hat resting atop his head. Hurriedly, he closed the door behind him, but not before some snowflakes had already drifted inside and settled on the carpet.

"Donnie, you look like an icicle, dude!" Casey exclaimed, tearing his gaze away from the television. "How long have you been out there?"

"Doesn't matter," Donnie said, flashing him one of the typical glares that he seemed to reserve just for the hockey-masked vigilante. He quickly took off his winter gear, tossing it in a pile by the door, before he brushed past them all, a distant look in his eyes. April swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew exactly where the purple-masked turtle was headed, and she hated the guilty look in his eyes as he went up the stairs.

"He's acting like an icicle too," Casey muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes and turning back to the television. April wanted to snap at him, tell him to leave poor, guilt-ridden Donnie alone, but she lacked the motivation. All she wanted to do was sleep, or cry, or both.

"Ramen ramen ramen!" Mikey's sing-song voice rang out from the kitchen, quickly followed by a high pitched meow from the freezer. The mutant ice cream cat had been less than willing to leave her post in the freezer back at home, but April was relieved when Ice Cream Kitty had quickly adjusted to her new spot in the old cabin. They didn't need more to worry about, especially when the subject in question was a cat with an attitude.

April's eyes flitted to the staircase as Raphael came down, his eyes tired and his shoulders hunched over in defeat. April bit her lip as she watched the red-masked teen snatch the coat that Donnie had been previously wearing off the rack. Obviously Leo's condition wasn't improving. April shifted her eyes over to Casey. She gave him a look and made a quick motion at Raph with her head. Casey quickly got the message.

"Goin' out to get some more wood?" Casey asked, standing up. Raphael simply responded with a grunt.

"I'm getting bored of that old truck in the barn, and there's nothing to do in here," Casey said with a shrug. "Mind if I tag along?"

"Whatever," Raph's word came out clipped and gruff-sounding, as if he had forced himself to speak. Casey grinned for a second, then quickly grabbed his own jacket and followed Raph out the door. April let out a breath of relief as she watched the two boys leave the house. At least Raph wasn't going out alone. Ever since they had came, the hot-headed turtle had hardly spoken a word, and she seemed to only catch glimpses of him throughout the day. April worried about him, about Donnie, about all of them.

"Hey April!" April nearly jumped out of her seat as Mikey suddenly materialized next to her on the couch. "Where'd everyone go?"

"Raph and Casey are out getting wood, and Donnie…." April trailed off, frowning, "well, you know where he is." Mikey's smile faltered for a brief second, but before April could even fully process it the grin had returned in full strength.

"Oh well, that works out just fine!" Mikey piped up, "because you and me have got some planning to do!"

"Planning?" April asked, turning to look at the youngest of the turtles in confusion. "Planning for what?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember?" Mikey said, his smile disappearing fully this time. "You couldn't have forgotten, right? How could you forget?" April felt a twinge of panic at the disappointment apparent on Mikey's face. What was she forgetting, and if it was so important how could she have forgotten it? _Think April, think! _But her mind was drawing up a blank.

"I guess if you don't remember, maybe it's not that important after all…" Mikey said, his eyes flickering downward and his lips curled in an uncharacteristic frown. "Maybe it was a stupid idea. You guys probably don't want to celebrate, what with Leo being injured and stuff…" April was growing more frantic by the second. She hated to see Mikey so sad, so...un-Mikeyish.

"Yeah, it was stupid," Mikey said, sighing in defeat. "Never mind." April let out a small noise of desperation as Mikey slipped back into the kitchen. But no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't figure out what Michelangelo had possibly been thinking about. Moaning, she dropped her book onto the floor carelessly and curled herself into a tight ball. _Your one chance at bringing everyone back together, and you ruined it!_

As she rocked back and forth, feeling extremely sorry for herself, the house was totally silent. Mikey's humming had ceased and now she was just left with emptiness that seemed to choke her it was so thick.

_My room._ She could always retreat there. Quickly, she stumbled to her feet and hurried up the stairs, skipping steps and nearly tripping to pay for it. Rushing down the hallway, she flung open the old oak door, running into the room and collapsing on the large king size bed and breaking into sobs.

The smell of the pillow reminded her of her father; this had been his room when they had came up here in the summer. She recalled the precious few moments before he had been turned into a kraang-person. His wide, goofy smile. His two fingers held up in a peace sign. His eyes, for once bright with happiness instead of terror. It had been a good way to go at least. He hadn't gone knowing what was happening to him, knowing he'd never see his daughter again. He had left with a grin and peace sign. If only everyone had the pleasure of knowing that they'd leave in such a happy manner.

"I'm lucky," April told herself through tears. "I'm lucky to have escaped, I'm lucky to have even had him for a short while." But her words were empty and she relapsed into sobs. He had been clinging to the van as they had fled, trying to attack them or begging them for help, even April didn't know. She had watched him slip out of her fingers. Again.

"April?"

April looked up, tensing as Mikey's voice rang out from the door. She quickly wiped off her eyes, swallowing down the rest of her tears as she looked up at the orange-masked mutant. His blue eyes darted across her face nervously.

"I'm sorry...did I make you cry?" Mikey asked, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

April stared at him, dumbfounded. The sheer amount of kindness he displayed was incredible. He was more kind, more gentle, more caring than any human she had met. He was what they should all be trying to live up to, and yet he lived his life in hiding, keeping that love and that kindness hidden from the world because they wouldn't accept it.

"It's just so stupid!" April cried out, not being able to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. "Everything is so messed up-"

"I know," Mikey said, his eyes turning sympathetic, "It wasn't exactly 'happily ever after', was it?"

"And it's not just the Kraang and the Foot, it's the world-" April hiccuped through her tears, "-the world is messed up. You guys, forced to hide like this, and yet you still protect us-us-us stupid people! Us stupid, selfish, blind people!"

"I know, but like Splinter always said-" Mikey paused, his voice catching for moment, "you don't stop helping people just because they don't appreciate it."

"Oh my gosh," April said, laughing through her tears. "You'd think I'd be used to this kind of stuff happening, but I'm still an emotional wreck."

"Hey, we all are, April" Mikey said. "Guess we just gotta pick up the pieces and try to start over again." April stood up and quickly hugged the youngest turtle, a smile flickering on her lips before she pulled away.

"Ramen...ramen sounds really good right now," April breathed out, calming herself.

"Ramen it is!" Mikey said, a grin quickly filling his face as the mood of the entire room lightened. "Tell Casey and Raph to get their sorry butts in here, cause I'm making the best freaking ramen this world has ever seen!" Mikey bounced out of the room, leaving April a little more clear-headed than before and in control of her emotions. Something had changed. She felt...more alive. Like someone had taken a match and lit a small candle in the darkness.

Small...but hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own TMNT.**

Mikey's eyes flickered across the faces in the room. Nobody spoke a word, but that was typical. It seemed that everyone had fallen into a dark mood after they had left the city. Everyone except himself. Sometimes he saw the looks they gave him, looks of amazement. He knew exactly what they were thinking.

How can he be so happy, so cheerful after everything that's happened?

Staring at the bowl of ramen in front of him, Michelangelo contemplated the question. _How am I still so cheerful? Why do I even try? Is it for my own good?_ He frowned slightly. No, he wasn't doing it for himself. He stared harder at his food, searching for answers. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was happy because he had hope. Leo would recover. And whatever had happened to Splinter, he knew it was only for the best. _Things happen for a reason. Life is good. Life is bad. But everything turns out alright._ He felt a twinge of sadness that the others couldn't share his faith in the goodness of the world.

Looking around at the sullen faces surrounding him, Mikey felt a surge of determination. Oh, to heck with it; who cared if nobody was in the mood for this? They needed it. Setting his jaw in determination, Mikey put down his spoon, drew in a breath, then looked around at his brothers and friends.

"Guys," he said, causing several of them to look up at him in surprise, "guys, we're celebrating Christmas, whether you want to or not."

There was a moment of silence before the storm.

"Christmas?" Donnie exclaimed, as if the very idea was repulsive. "At a time like this?"

"Mikey, no way," Raph growled.

"Are you serious?" Casey asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm very serious," Mikey said, shooting them each a glare. "Help me. Don't help me. I don't care. If I have to, I'll do everything myself. But none of you are getting out of it. Ever since we got here, all you guys have done is sit around feeling sorry for yourselves. Would Leo want us to be like this? Would Splinter?"

Then, standing up and turning his back on his family's stunned faces, Mikey marched out of the room, a grin tugging at his lips.

_Let's see how they take that._

…..

April simply sat, dumbfounded, as the discussion heated up around her. Christmas; how on earth had she forgotten? The calendar had practically been screaming the word December at her every morning, the large, bold letters on top of the page, sticking out like a lighthouse in the night sky. Christmas was only the most important holiday of the year!

"Yo, dudes, Mikey's right," Casey said. "We've been moping around for the past month. I think it's time we started trying to be a family again."

"How can be so...insensitive?!" Donatello was fuming. "Splinter's dead and Leo's on the verge of dying, and you want to celebrate Christmas?"

"Oh, and I suppose you'd rather have Christmas be just another day of silence in the cabin," Casey retorted. "Being depressed isn't going to make Leo any better, you know."

"How can any of us even pretend to be happy?" Donnie said, shooting daggers at Casey. "We shouldn't even try to celebrate. We'll just end up sitting around silently, like we do every day, and Mikey will be disappointed."

"All you've done since we got here is sit by Leo, waiting for him to wake up!" Casey barked, standing up to tower over the purple-masked turtle. "Did you ever even think about how anyone else was coping with it? You ever think to try and help your brothers? We're all goin' through a tough time here, and you're only thinking about yourself!"

"I'm taking care of Leo!" Donnie growled in his defense, also jumping out of his chair to face the teen. "You want him to get better, don't you?"

"Of course I wish he would get better!" Casey snapped. "But it's been a month and he hasn't woken up! Do you think sitting by him twenty-four seven will change anything?"

"I can fix him!" Donnie said, tears starting to build up in his eyes. "That's what I do Casey! I FIX THINGS!"

"Well maybe not this time!" Casey screamed, tears threatening to break his barriers. "I want Leo back as much as anyone, but-" He took in a quick breath. "-but people can't always be saved Donnie! Sometimes they never wake up! And it's already been a month." In a sudden impulse, he added, "He's not coming back!" The room fell silent and April sucked in a breath. Casey quickly clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide as he realized the full impact of his words. From the other side of the room, Raphael tensed, his eyes hardening as his gaze snapped over to Casey.

"Oh geez, I swear guys-" Casey said, biting his lip, "I didn't mean that." Raphael slowly stood up, pushing back his chair, then walked over to the hockey player, his face emotionless. For a moment the two of them locked gazes. The tension in the air crackled and sparked as they stood off. Then suddenly Raph's expression contorted into one of fury.

Without a word, Raph pulled back his fist and gave Casey a hard punch to the face. His blow wasn't controlled, and Casey yelled as he was thrown back by the impact. Before anyone could stop him Raph was on Casey, throwing furious punches at the teenager. Casey yelled, trying to use his arms to block Raphael's incessant blows but failing.

"Raph!" April cried out, rushing to try and separate the two. "Raph, stop!" She grabbed the red-masked terrapin's shoulders and tried to wrench him away, but his strength far outmatched her own and he hardly even seemed to notice her futile attempts. Casey's cries of pain rang through the normally silent cabin, piercing the air. Donnie just stood and watched, his eyes cold.

Now Casey was trying to fight back, flailing his arms around and digging his nails into Raphael's skin. April took a few steps back, her eyes darting between the two of them frantically. She had to stop this, but there was no way she could overpower Raph. Watching the blows fly between them, she did the only thing she could think of.

She jumped in.

She thrust herself into the fight, forcing her way between the two boys just as Raphael was about to hit the hockey player. The blow, meant for him, ended up on her own cheek. She held back tears of pain as the well aimed hit crushed against her jaw, pain shooting throughout her face. Immediately Raphael drew back, his eyes widening, and Casey shot away like a frightened animal.

"What the-" Raph let out one or two colorful words before continuing, "-was that April?"

"You guys are just-" April let out a cry of frustration, stomping her foot and cupping her bruised jaw in one hand. Tears threatened her eyes. "What kind of family are we?!" She was met with silence. The anger had faded out of Raph's eyes, leaving him looking tired.

"...are you ok?" Raph asked slowly, looking at her somewhat cautiously. "Sorry Red. I didn't mean to hit you."

"I'm fine," April said, swallowing down tears. "We've all just been-" April grunted for lack of anything better to say, angry tears going down her face. Donnie looked at her in concern, his eyes darting around nervously as he leaned forwards a bit, as if to make a move towards her, then leaned back, thinking better of it.

"I'll tell you what we've been, we've all been messed up since we left the city," Raph suddenly said, breaking the silence. "Look, I don't know a lot about this kinda crap, but I do know that none of us are doing each other favors by sitting around wishing things were different. Heck, I've been just as bad as you guys about this whole deal, but if we ever wanna be a family again-" he sat down in one of the chairs, "-then something's gotta change." Despite his words, Raph was still eyeing Casey angrily. Obviously the comment about Leo had stung him. Hard.

April looked around at the faces around her. Donnie's aloof look had changed into something a bit guilty, and Casey was glancing from person to person. The silence was thick.

"Raph is right," April said, looking around with a hard expression. "Something has to change, and that can start with Christmas. I don't expect you guys to just forget about what happened, but can we all at least try to be happy, just for a few weeks?"

"For Leo," Raphael said, his jaw firm.

"For Splinter," Donatello added in.

"For us," Casey said, glancing over at Raphael as he rubbed at his bruised skin.

"Good," April said, sighing.

Well, it was a start.

* * *

><p><strong>Ooh, Raph and Casey tension! Their friendship really deserves more attention in the show. Anyways, please read and review!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so I do in fact realize I posted the first three chapters all in one day. No, I am not superhuman; I started writing this last week and just haven't posted it until now. But this is the last chapter I've got so far, so anyone reading this will have to wait a bit for the next one. I can't churn out chapters that fast people. XD**

**I do not own TMNT.**

Raph's eyes flew open as he awoke to - oh Lord - Christmas music. Groaning, he buried his head underneath the pillow.

"_Silver bells...silver bells...it's Christmas-time in the city…"_

"Shut up!" Raphael yelled. _Not like anybody in the city is celebrating Christmas,_ he thought bitterly to himself, _Unless the Kraang have taken a liking to the holiday._ As the music droned on, Raph tried to force himself back to sleep. He didn't want to get up, because that would mean facing Casey, and he wasn't exactly sure what had happened between them yesterday and whether or not the hockey player held a grudge.

"_Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile…"_

"Oh yes, everything's fine and dandy 'cause it's Christmas, and that means nothing bad can happen, right?!" Raph growled. "Stupid Christmas song."

"Well, I see that you're getting into the holiday cheer," Mikey's head popped into the room and his voice was laced with sarcasm. "Now get off your lazy butt and come help me out here, I'm having a few...issues."

"With what?" Raph asked, yawning and sitting up in bed.

"...you'll see," Mikey said with a mischievous grin. Raph felt himself grow wary. _What the heck am I getting dragged into this time? _

"Oh come'on, don't give me that look," Mikey huffed, crossing his arms for effect. "You're going to love it, I promise."

"Whatever," Raphael grumbled, sitting up and putting his mask back on. Mikey was practically bouncing on his feet now, unable to contain his excitement.

"Get on your coat, cause' we're going outside!"

…..

Raph stared at the fallen tree. An axe was buried into the stump where it had once stood, the rest of it laying in the freshly fallen snow. The place where the trunk had been severed was somewhat jagged, due the the axe not falling straight on every blow. Mikey smiled, motioning at the pine tree.

"Taa daa!" he said with a grin. "I've been working on this thing all morning! Chopping down trees is not as easy as it looks dude!"

"You chopped down a tree?!" Raph said, gaping.

"Not just any tree," Mikey said, poking his older brother teasingly. "A Christmas tree!"

"Mikey," Raph said, shaking his head as he stared at the pine needle tree.

"What?" Mikey's face immediately fell. "You don't like it?"

"No, it's fine," Raph said, suddenly breaking out laughing, "but you could have asked any of us for help y'know."

"Oh," Mikey said, blinking as if he had just came to the realization. "I guess so. Oops."

"You're crazy," Raph said. "Totally crazy." The red-masked turtle walked over the the stump, yanking the axe out of the wood. "Anyways, we're going to need to shorten this up a bit. This entire tree is not going to fit in the house. And you're awful with an axe. Let me show you how it's done." He tossed the axe over to Mikey who let out a small squeak as it landed in his hands. Tentatively, the youngest brother walked over the the tree. Raph pointed to indicate the spot where he should cut the trunk. Mikey lifted the axe above his head-

"Ok, stop right there," Raph sighed, causing Mikey to freeze. Raphael walked over, lightly grabbing the tool out of Mikey's hands.

"Ok, you're gripping the axe with both your hands at the bottom of the handle the entire time, and you'll lose control of it if you handle it like that. What you do is you put one hand here-" Raph gripped the upper part of the handle in one hand, "-and keep the other at the bottom. Then as you swing-" Raph swung the axe downwards in slow motion, "-you slide your hand down to the bottom. Get it?"

"Mmhmm," Mikey said, bobbing his head up and down enthusiastically.

"Good," Raph said, giving his younger brother the weapon back. "Now do it." Mikey carefully adjusted his grip on the axe, then sending a sidelong glance at Raphael, he swung it down. It made a sharp crack as it split the wood.

"Oh my gosh, that works like ten times better!" Mikey said, starting to swing down the axe in quick, fluid motions. "Sweet!" As Michelangelo continued to chop at the tree with renewed energy, Raph looked around at the frost-bitten woods surrounding their house. Any other time Mikey would have dragged them out into the forest a few days in, wanting to find anything and everything of interest around the house. But they had hardly wandered into the forest, sticking to edges. Raphael realized with a jolt that their littlest brother, although he seemed to be just as light-hearted as ever, had taken Leo's injuries and the loss of Splinter just as hard as they had, but he hadn't shown it...maybe because he realized everyone else would need something normal in their life, something to keep them grounded. Raph shook his head.

Mikey had no idea how much they needed that right now.

…..

Donnie groaned as the alarm blared in his ear. It was that time already? He felt like he had only fallen asleep a second ago. Blearily he opened his eyes and glared half-heartedly at the clock as it flashed 7:00 am. He still wasn't used to this wacked up schedule where they slept all night and were awake all day, but April claimed that this was how normal people did it.

_Well, we're not exactly normal people, are we? _Donnie thought to himself, fumbling for a moment before he switched off the alarm. Sitting up in bed, Donatello frowned, rubbing his head. His headaches had been awful recently. Maybe he was thinking too much and too hard.

_Well I can't help it, _Donnie told himself, _It's my fault we got into this mess, so it's up to me to figure a way out of it. I have to keep working on a medicine for Leo, I have to keep trying to bring him back to consciousness._

A loud thump from downstairs jolted Donnie out of his thoughts. Frowning, he climbed out of bed. He had been wondering when something would happen. The minute Michelangelo had announced he was going to take on the Christmas planning himself, Donatello had known it would only be a matter of time before he was dragging things into the house and getting himself hurt. Grabbing his purple mask off the dresser and tying it around his eyes, he walked briskly out his room and down the steps, then-

"What the heck?!" Donatello nearly screamed. The scene in front of him wasn't close to anything he had been expecting. Raphael and Michelangelo were attempting to lift up a large piece of a pine tree in the corner of the room. Pine needles were scattered all over the floor, and the two of them were covered so thickly in..._nature_...that they looked as if they were part of the tree. Raphael's head snapped up to look at Donatello and his face immediately flushed.

"Uh, hi Donnie," Raph grunted.

"What are you two doing?!" Donnie asked, grabbing his head and looking at the tree in dismay.

"Mikey's idea," Raph said, motioning with his head at their youngest brother.

"It's a Christmas tree, D!" Mikey said, flashing him a goofy smile. "Duh!"

"You went and cut down a tree, then brought it in the house?!" Donatello asked, his voice high-pitched in anxiety. "What were you _thinking_?!"

"To be honest, I don't think we were," Raph said, laughing nervously. "Oh well."

"Oh well?!" Donnie said furiously. "Where on earth are you planning on putting that thing?"

"Um...here?" Mikey said, giving Donatello a that's-so-obvious look. "Chill Donnie, once we have it standing upright in the pot it'll be cool."

"Oh, it's going to take forever to clean this up!" Donatello groaned. "Guys, seriously?"

"Hey, it's not like you were doing anything today," Raph shrugged. "What's the big deal? It's not nearly as bad as that time Mikey decided to-"

"Haha, let's not talk about that," Mikey said with a nervous laugh, cutting off his older brother.

"I understand him-" Donnie motioned wildly at Michelangelo, "-but honestly Raph, you should know better!"

"Where have you been for the past sixteen years?" Raph said rolling his eyes.

"You guys just-" Donnie groaned, sighing in defeat, "Fine. I give up." Michelangelo and Raphael shared a knowing grin as their purple-masked brother came over and joined them in their struggle to lift the tree. Today was going to be a good one.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, here's another little chapter, it starts out kinda angsty and Donatello might get a little OOC for a bit, but hey, he's under a lot of stress, so it's ok if he gets a little angry at his dream woman, right? But have no fear, we end on a very interesting note. :D I'm sorry that this story is such a weird mixture of comedy and tragedy, but hey, whatever. Roll with it.**

**I do not own TMNT.**

April looked at the tree up and down in disbelief. Well, they had certainly gotten a tree, that much she could hand to them. And although it was devoid of any decor, it was a nice tree, no doubt about that. She wasn't exactly sure where it had come from or how they had gotten in there, but here it was, and nothing in the house had been broken in the process.

"Hey, a tree," Casey commented as he passed by. "Cool." Then he promptly disappeared into the kitchen without another word. April looked around for any of the other guys, but they weren't anywhere in sight. She had woken up and 'poof', a Christmas tree had appeared in the living room, like a present from Santa. From the smell of pine needles in the air, she could infer that it was in fact, a real tree. April felt a slight pang in her chest as she thought of how much work it must have taken the boys to bring the tree inside. They should have woken her up, she would have gladly helped them.

Sighing, April decided that her best bet on finding Donnie or Raph would be to check the bathroom first. One of them was bound to be there, continuing the silent vigil they seemed to have agreed on. And although both of them seemed equally concerned for their older brother, there was something different about Donatello. Something in his eyes suggested...guilt. She thought maybe the guilt would be a passing thing, but each day she could see it getting worse and worse. Her stomach churned at the thought of all those talks they had in health class, about how guilt led to depression, and depression led to…

April took the thought and smashed it into a million little pieces, vowing to never even _think_ of it again.

Sighing, the red-headed girl climbed up the stairs, down the hallway, then poked her head in the bathroom. The ceiling light wasn't on; it never was. The light was too bright and fluorescent to stay under for long periods of time. Instead, natural sunlight flooded in through the window, giving the false impression of cheeriness. A quick glance around confirmed that it was Donatello who was sitting beside his brother at the moment.

For a moment, she just stood at the door, watching. Donnie was sitting on a stool, his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. April bit her tongue, wondering what the right words would be. Why had she come up here again? Her mind was drawing up a blank.

Tentatively, she walked into the room, closing the door almost silently behind her. Donnie showed no sign of hearing her. Quietly, she picked up another stool from the other side of the room, placing it beside the large reptile and sitting down next to him. He tensed slightly, and she saw a flash of red-brown eyes from behind his large fingers before he closed himself off again. April looked down at the motionless form of Leonardo. All his gear had been stripped off, leaving only skin and shell. It was strange, seeing him without the trademark-blue Leo mask, the bandages, the belt, the swords and the kneepads. Come to think of it, she had never seen any of the boys devoid of their masks. It left them looking smaller.

Not being able to bear looking at the fallen leader any longer, April turned her eyes to the purple-masked turtle beside her. She found herself thinking of the time they had first met. She had been told the story in several versions, each person having their own perspective on the situation, but she believed Splinter's to be most accurate. He had told her that Donatello had been the one that had forced the rest of them to help her; they would have never gotten involved had it not been for him. Of course, Donnie was too embarrassed to admit it, but April remained ever grateful to him.

Then that brought up the subject of his feelings towards her.

She had always seen him as a kind person, someone she could count on, and as much as she hated to admit it, he had his cute moments. But Donatello's affections were far more...intimate. That much had been apparent to her from day one. And although his attempts at flirtation were adorably clumsy, April just couldn't figure out how to respond.

_I love him as a friend, just like the others, but how far do I want to go? He's cute and sincere, but...he's a six-foot talking turtle. I do have feelings towards him...but do I really _love him? _Or is it just a casual interest? What if it goes away one day and I leave him heartbroken? Do I want to chance that?_

"What do you think?" Donatello suddenly spoke, startling April. His voice was low and it cracked with the threat of oncoming tears.

"...what?" April asked, blinking.

"Do you think Casey's right? Do you think Leo will never wake up?" Donatello said, his voice muffled as his face was still hidden in his hands.

"Of course not, Donnie," April said softly. "If there's anyone that can save him, it's you."

"That's the thing though," Donnie said, looking up to reveal his bloodshot eyes. "_If _there's anyone that can save him. What if there isn't? What if one day we come in and-" His breath hitched and he looked away.

"Don't think like that," April said, placing her small, pale hand on his large, rough one. "Mikey would be appalled." Her weak attempt at humour was lost on him.

"Why don't you go tell your _boyfriend_ that?" Donatello said, casting his eyes downwards.

"Casey isn't my boyfriend," April said, quickly protesting. "You know that, Donnie."

"Then what is he, April?" Donatello said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "For that matter, what am I?"

"You're my friends," April said, knowing the answer wasn't what he was looking for but not wanting to tell him the truth because...the truth was she didn't know.

"Well, if this is how you treat your friends, leading them on then dropping them in the dust only to pick them back up and do it again, then I'd hate to see what you would do to your boyfriend," Donatello suddenly snapped, his eyes fiery. "So forget I said anything."

"I-I'm not like that!" April said, her voice becoming high pitched. "I just...I just…"

"Just leave, ok?" Donatello sighed, turning away. "Please."

"I….fine," April said, standing up rather clumsily and walking out of the room.

_Well that went just peachy._

. . . . .

Raphael was nearly being swallowed by the cushions of the chair he sat in, and he wished he could sink in further. Casey was only a room away, and neither of them had said a word to each other all day. He was so dang _pissed_ at Casey; but at the same time he wanted to make up and be friends again, even if the hockey player was a loud-mouthed idiot at times. Raphael didn't miss Mikey's continual glances from the other side of the room. His orange-masked brother was playing solo board-game. Mikey, being unexplainable person he was, had somehow figured out a way to compete with himself.

"What is it Mikey?" Raph sighed, turning to catch Mikey looking at him. His younger brother hesitated for a moment.

"Dude, you should really go talk to him," Mikey finally said.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Raph growled, sinking lower into the chair.

"Yes you do," Mikey said, rolling his eyes. "Don't even try playing stupid with me. I mean, dude, I'm like the master of stupidity. You cannot get past this." Mikey motioned at himself with his hands.

"Well, I'm not talking to him. I suck at talking," Raph muttered, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

"_No way_," Mikey said sarcastically. "Never would have guessed that. But seriously bro, Casey sucks at talking too. You'll probably just end up fighting it out and forgetting it by tomorrow."

"It's not that easy," Raph said, frowning. "You wanna know what he said?"

"Mmmm, probably not, but tell me," Mikey said, leaning in closer, his eyes bright.

"He said Leo's never gonna wake up," Raph said, his eyes flickering downwards. "He said he was good as dead."

Mikey leaned back into his chair, blinking his wide eyes and exhaling sharply. He put his hands behind his head, then looked back over at Raph. "Wow, are you serious?" Mikey said, cocking an eyebrow questioningly. Raph gritted his teeth and nodded. "Ouch," Mikey said, biting his lip. "That seriously bites. So maybe the 'divine path to forgiveness' won't exactly be smooth sailing."

"He's just-" Raphael made an angry grunt and slammed his fist against the arm of the chair.

"Hey, I know what'll put you in a good mood!" Mikey said, suddenly perking up. His light blue eyes were lit up and a smile was growing on his face.

"...if this is anything like the tree-" Raphael began darkly, but Mikey quickly interjected.

"Oh no, this is nothing like the tree," Mikey chuckled to himself. "This is far, far better."

"Why does that scare me coming out of your mouth?" Raphael groaned, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"Probably because you should be scared," Mikey said with an overly-cheesy grin. "Now come'on, you're going to _love_ it."

"Please explain to me what I'm getting into first," Raphael said, refusing to move from his seat.

"Oh fine, you party pooper," Mikey teased with a fake frown. "It's Step #2 of my Super-Epic-Best-Christmas-Ever Plan!"

"I assume the tree was Step #1?" Raphael said with a sigh.

"Well duh!" Mikey said, leaning over the back of Raphael's chair and looking down at him.

"...and somehow I get the feeling I'm going to get dragged along with every plan you make for the 'Super-Awesome-Christmas-Whatever thing," Raph groaned, looking up angrily into his brother's baby blue eyes.

"Super-Epic-Best-Christmas-Ever Plan!" Mikey corrected him, shaking his finger. "You have to get it right." Mikey suddenly broke out into a grin. "But maybe you won't get dragged into all of them," he added in slyly. "Some of them are on a need-to-know-basis, and guess what-" he leaned over and poked his older brother's nose- "-you don't need to know."

"Ok, now I'm terrified," Raphael said with a grunt, standing up, "So what's Step #2?"

"Hold on, hold on…" Mikey said, digging around in his belt for something. His tongue pressed against his upper lip in thought, an odd habit that him and Donnie seemed to have developed. Suddenly, with an almost maniacal grin, Mikey pulled out a fistful of confetti and glitter and threw it into the air, causing it to fall all over himself and Raphael. Raphael blinked slowly, his face the dictionary definition of unamused.

"Can you guess what Step #2 is?" Mikey said, holding back laughter.

"Getting beat up by your older brother?" Raphael growled threateningly, clenching his fists.

"No dummy," Mikey laughed, poking Raph teasingly, "Decorations!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Taadaa! Another chapter! :3 Hope I did alright on this one, it's kinda got a big Donnie focus and it's mostly just looking into some of the issues they're having right now, but there is a bit of plot progression. Please read and review!**

**I do not own the Adolescent Mutated Martial Artist Terrapins. (yes, i mean tmnt XD)**

There was a scream of frustration before a vial of liquid hit the wall, the glass shattering into fragments and the substance inside splattering out onto the wall. It slowly dripped down the wooden surface, glowing somewhat dangerously. Donatello glared at it from the other side of the barn, his fists clenched and his mouth slightly open as he panted.

"I'm supposed to be the smart one!" he growled, whipping around and punching a stack of boxes, causing them to topple over and splinter. He stopped for a moment. _What am I doing? Punching crates isn't going to help anything. How many times have we told Raph the exact same thing, and now here I am, being a class-A hypocrite._

Sighing, the purple-masked turtle walked over the clean up the the destruction he'd wreaked. No, things hadn't been going well since they had came. Every day it got worse and worse, the feeling that he'd failed; they all placed so much faith in him, in his knowledge. Mikey hadn't even considered the fact that his older brother, who knew the answer to everything, could possibly not know the answer to this.

And the worst part was that this entire thing was his own fault.

_If I would have just listened to Leo, not tried to be all smart and cocky, he wouldn't be nearly dead. Splinter might not be dead. We might all be still together, even if the city was still lost. _Donatello tried to ward off the thoughts as he carefully scraped the green, glowing substance off the wall and into a new glass container, one that wasn't...well, destroyed. He had been experimenting with mutagen lately in some sort of desperate attempt to find _something _that would heal his older brother. He had turned the very thing that morphed people into monsters into something that reversed the effects; if he could do that, who was to say he couldn't use it to make other things?

_You're in denial Donatello. _A nagging voice in the back of his head suddenly decided now was a good time to make an entrance. _You know that you've already tried everything. What on earth do you think changing some chemicals in the mutagen will do?_

_I can't give up._ Donatello thought with a frown.

_There comes a point when you have to give up._

_Well it's not today._

_You want to waste the rest of your life looking for some magical cure to save your brother?_

_I'm a scientist, it's not magic._

_Whatever. But, come'on, get real. Casey said it himself, Leo's gone and dead. You can't change that. You should just put the poor guy out of his-_

_SHUT UP!_

Donnie sat down in at the desk, putting his head in his hands. "I am seriously arguing with myself in my head," he said quietly, shaking his head. "This is insane."

Oh well. Insane or not, he had to keep trying.

"...Donnie?"

The voice came from behind him and the purple-masked terrapin let out a sigh. He'd know that voice anywhere. His only younger brother had always had a strong connection with him. He'd come to him with any problem; fights with Raph, bad dreams, personal conflictions, Donatello had heard it all and Mikey had soaked up his every word of advice.

"Hey Mikey," Donatello turned around, forcing a smile and attempting to position himself in front of the stain on the wall where his latest failure had been thrown. "What's up?"

"Not much…" Mikey's eyes flickered around the room, taking in the broken crates and the mess of chemicals and tools scattered on the floor, "What the heck happened here? It looks like Raph blew through."

"Oh, just another, um, experiment gone wrong, y'know," Donnie said, choking out a bit of laughter.

"Mhmmm..." Mikey said skeptically. Donnie could tell that Mikey saw straight through his lie. He had noticed that ever since the whole incident with Bradford, Mikey had gotten better at judging people and being able to tell if they were lying. Vaguely he wondered how Mikey had managed to train himself so well. Maybe he had gotten some help from Splinter, because he couldn't have improved so much on his own.

Plus, Donatello was a horrible liar.

"Aaaanways, what do you say to taking a break for a little bit?" Mikey said, his suspicious look disappearing almost instantly and being replaced by a grin. "I've got something awesome planned! Raph's already helping out."

"You got Raph to help out?" Donnie marveled. "How?"

"I'm just so young and adorable that he can't say no to my puppy eyes!" Mikey laughed, jumping up into the rafters and promptly dangling upside-down from them.

"Of course," Donnie scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"No, really, I just used the right amount of annoying, pleading and adorableness to win him over," Mikey countered seriously. "It's like that science stuff you do, mixing the right amount of different chemicals together. I got him all figured out."

"Good, because I certainly don't," Donatello smiled, for real this time.

"I got _you_ all figured out too," Mikey grinned, poking Donnie's nose.

"Sure you do," Donatello said, smirking.

"Hey, what kind of stuff are in some of these crates anyways?" Mikey asked, diverting his attention to the boxes around the barn.

"A lot of them are empty…" Donnie said, glancing over at the boxes he had destroyed earlier, "But some of them have stuff in them. I don't know what though."

"Do you think some of them have Christmas decorations in them?" Mikey asked, his grin growing broader. Donnie smacked his forehead and groaned.

"Please don't tell me…" Donnie trailed off, daring to glance back up at Mikey.

"We're totally gonna decorate the house!" Mikey yelled excitedly, throwing his hands above...erm, below his head, seeing as he was still hanging upside down. Then there was a sudden snap and the orange-masked turtle let out a yelp, falling down a foot or two and landing on his back. A small chunk of the rafter followed him and landed on his stomach.

"Note to self: do not use the rafters as a junglegym," Mikey wheezed out, lifting the piece of the beam off of him. Donnie shook his head.

It was going to be a long day.

. . . . .

"Ooh what about this?" Mikey said with wide eyes as he pulled out a string of lights from one of the crates.

"Those are Halloween lights Mikey," Raph sighed, rolling his eyes. "They're orange and black. Those aren't Christmas colors."

"Oh, like you've found anything better," Mikey scoffed, clutching the lights to his chest. "I think they're beautiful and I think we should use them."

"Just set them off to the side for now Mikey," Donnie sighed, opening his own crate with a crowbar. "We'll use them if we can't find anything better. Besides, I might be able to change the colors."

"Yeah! Score!" Mikey whooped, pumping his fists. "Mikey one, Donnie and Raph zero!" Raph shot his younger brother a glare and Donnie ignored him, pushing down the crowbar harder. The crate let out a groan, but the lid just bent further, refusing to come off.

"Come on…" Donatello growled, pushing down harder. The wood squeaked and shook harder and harder before there was a sudden snap and the lid flew off. Donnie stumbled for a second, startled, then quickly regained his balance.

"What's in there? It was sealed pretty tight," Mikey asked curiously, bouncing over to the box.

"Dunno," Donnie panted, glancing inside. In a millisecond his face had gone pale. "Oh, nevermind, there's nothing here-" he said the last bit rather quickly, snatching up the lid.

"Oooh what is it?" Mikey said, stopping his older brother from putting on the lid. He looked inside and a grin appeared on his face.

"Whoa, cool!" The freckled terrapin snatched up an old leather book. "Photo albums!"

"Mikey, put that back!" Donatello shouted angrily, attempting to grab the book from his younger brother but failing.

"What's the deal D?" Mikey laughed, keeping the book hugged close to his chest. "Afraid you'll see embarrassing pictures of April? I thought you liked her-"

"It's not ok, Mikey!" Donnie snapped. "It's personal stuff; you don't just look through it!"

"She probably doesn't even remember this stuff exists," Mikey said, rolling his eyes, "I don't think she'll care. I mean come'on Donnie, this is April we're talking about. She's the toughest, most stubborn red-headed person ever!"

"Mikey, put it back," Donatello said darkly, holding out one hand.

"Come'on Donnie, you know you want to loooook," Mikey teased. "Pictures of witty-bitty Apwil…"

"No I don't," Donnie said in a serious tone, "I don't care _whatsoever _what's in there."

Mikey's smile started to fade. "Seriously?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Not even if we get to see little baby April riding a rocking horse? Come'on, that would be just adorable-"

"I. Do. Not. Care," Donatello growled, gritting his teeth.

Mikey glanced over at Raphael and they shared a look. "Donnie...did you get into a fight with April?" Raphael asked, staring at him intensely. Donatello opened his mouth but nothing came out. For a moment they just stood there, staring, until finally the second youngest brother gave in.

"Would you believe me if I said no?" Donatello sighed, his eyes drifting to the ground.

"Probably not," Raph replied.

"It's nothing guys, I just got a little tense…" Donatello said quietly. still avoiding eye contact. "Seriously, don't worry about it."

"Hey, we're your brothers," Raph said with a cocky smile. "It's kinda our job to '_worry about it.'_"

"It isn't a big deal," Donatello protested.

"By that you mean it's a huge deal," Mikey said, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms for effect. "Tell all."

"No, it'll be fine by tomorrow, I promise," Donnie said with a weak smile.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep Donnie," Mikey said scoldingly. "Remember that day, back when we were little, when Splinter taught us that? You'd think that would have pounded that into your head pretty well."

"Can we please not re-live that?" Donatello groaned, thinking back to that day. They had only been seven years old, but that day's teaching was something they would never forget.

"Look, point is, things are not okay between you and April, and as your brothers, we want to know," Raph snapped. "Cause' neither of us likes to see you so...un-Donnie-like."

"Look, I just got a little upset and said a few things I didn't mean, ok?" Donatello growled, catching Mikey off guard and snatching the photo album out of his hands. Mikey frowned as his older brother put it back in the crate and started to seal it shut. He had still wanted to see those baby pictures. Oh well, maybe another time.

"So, it was _your _fault," Raph said, his eyes lighting up. "That explains a lot."

"Of course it was my fault!" Donatello said in exasperation, throwing his hands up. "Everything seems to be my fault lately! Anything goes wrong just blame me, cause chances are you're probably right!"

"Hey, dude, chillax," Mikey said, putting his hands on his older brothers shoulders. "Nobody is blaming you. What did you say to her?"

"I...I just…" Donatello couldn't seem to find words and he resigned himself to silently staring at his toes.

"That bad, huh?" Raph said, sparing him a little smile. "Your first real argument. How sweet."

"It wasn't really an argument…" Donatello whispered, shifting his feet back and forth. "She was trying to help me and I ended up saying a few things I'd rather not recall."

"About…?" Mikey questioned.

"Her...and Casey…" Donatello's voice hardly came out of his lips this time.

"Always with Casey," Raph groaned. "There is always some freaking argument going on between you two over her."

"It wasn't so much about their relationship as it was about his earlier comment on Leo," Donatello whispered out. Raphael's expression quickly turned from exasperated to pissed off.

"Oh, it was about that?" Raph growled. "Well, now we're on the same page. Welcome to the pissed-off-at-Casey-club."

"Ok ok ok ok ok!" Mikey shouted. "We get the picture. But seriously, what did you tell April that's so bad you can't bear to say it?"

"...not now," Donnie said, turning around and taking the crate of photo albums towards the back of the barn. "Ok?" Mikey opened his mouth to respond but Raph just shook his head. Reluctantly Michelangelo turned back around, away from his older brother. He wanted to help Donnie...but he knew Raph was right. There was nothing more they could do, at least right now.

Feeling somewhat disheartened, Mikey opened up another crate, wondering what useless junk he'd find in this one. The minute the lid popped off his eyes turned huge and his jaw dropped.

Jackpot.


	6. Chapter 6

**So here's another chapter! Yay! It's a little delayed, but meh, work and school keep me pretty busy. But don't worry, I've got more coming! :) Lol, not much else to say, other than enjoy!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"Guysguysguysguysguys!"

Mikey was flying over towards Raph and Donnie in a flurry of excitement, his sky-blue eyes shining and his mouth open wide in a grin that his face could hardly contain.

"You'll never believe what I just found!" Mikey said, skidding to a halt inches away from Raphael, who frowned at his words. "Come on, come look!"

"Alright, calm down," Raph sighed, getting up on his feet. The chilly air of the barn was finally getting to him, and he rubbed at his arms. How the heck did Donnie sit in here for hours on end working? It was like a freezer out here.

"Hurry up!" Mikey said, bouncing several steps ahead of them.

"Don't give yourself a heart attack," Donatello said, rolling his eyes. 'Honestly."

In a moment they had reached a large crate, and Mikey was suddenly tossing things at them wildly. "Look at it all!" He cried out gleefully. Donnie yelped as a wreath flew at him and landed right on top of him, slipping over his head and falling around his neck like a necklace. Raph growled and caught a string of lights mid-air, looking at them angrily, as if they had purposefully come at him. Donnie caught a mistletoe decoration in his right hand and a string of garland in the other. Before long the two of them were covered in red and green decor.

"Mikey, stop!" Donnie said, flinching as another wreath came flying at him. Mikey paused, a santa hat in his hand, and looked back.

"Oops," he said sheepishly.

"Freakin' decorations," Raph growled, trying to shake off a bow that had somehow gotten taped to his hand. "They're all over me! Gross."

"But look at how much we have!" Mikey said, putting the santa hat on his head and smiling. "A whole crateful of Christmas! Wreaths and candles and holly and beads and garland and mistletoe-"

"Too bad there aren't any ornaments…" Donnie frowned, looking inside the crate. His eyes light up as the gears started to turn in his mind. "Say Mikey, where did you find that box?"

"Over in that corner…" Mikey trailed off, pointing to the back right corner of the barn. His eyes widened. "You don't think…?"

"Only one way to find out," Donatello smirked, picking up his crowbar. Raphael groaned, tilting his head back and Mikey grabbed his shoulders and started to shake them violently.

"OhMyGoshDoYouKnowWhatThisMeans?!" Michelangelo squealed, shaking his older brother roughly. Raph frowned and put his own hands on Mikey's shoulders, trying to steady them both and stop Mikey's frantic excitement.

"That I'm going to spend the next few hours going through stupid Christmas decorations and listening to you talk nonstop?" Raphael groaned, whacking his younger brother's head.

"Exactly!" Mikey said with a triumphant grin.

. . . . .

April sat in the chair beside the fireplace, her arms folded in her lap and her eyes closed. Silently, she wrangled with her thoughts and tried push them off to the sides so that she could accomplish a thoughtless, peaceful state of mind. Splinter had only begun to teach her the art of meditation, and she felt like her attempts at it were crude and rough around the edges, like a child coloring a picture wildly, their crayons marking up the paper in all the wrong places.

April concentrated on her breaths. The way the air tingled through her nose and filled her chest up, giving her a sense of being full. Then, slowly, she released the air. Her chest sunk back down and she could feel her breath drifting away. She pictured it in her mind's eye, swirling around in the air and floating up to the ceiling, escaping through the cracks in the wood, going higher and higher until it broke free of the house and flew into the sky, scattering about and reveling in its freedom. What April wouldn't give to be able to do that, to just float away and detach herself from the world, forget her troubles and her cares.

She concentrated on her breaths again. In. Out. In. Out. She felt the chair underneath her, became aware of the sensation of herself touching the cushion, aware of the way it sagged slightly beneath her weight. She took in the silence of the room, discovering it was not so silent. The fireplace crackled and sizzled, the wind knocked on the window softly from outside, and the constant sound of the ticking clock created a soothing beat. April allowed herself to live in this moment, this second only, to forget the past and the future, and to simply let herself exist. No thoughts, no words. Herself just _being_.

April tried desperately to hold onto the sensation, to let it engulf her, but the thoughts came crawling back out of their caves, demanding to be pondered, to be considered. She tried to drive them back, but they would not be deterred and she gave in, opening her eyes with a sigh. She had been close, so close to the reaching the state of mind where, as Leo had once described it, her inner truths would speak to her. She didn't fully understand what the blue masked turtle had meant when he said it, but she got the feeling that her voice of inner truth would have a piece of advice or two about the situation with Donnie, advice she needed rather desperately.

"You're getting better at that, you know." The voice suddenly came from behind her and she jumped as it cut through the air, disturbing the peaceful aura of the room. "I was a little spooked at how silent you were." April felt a surge of joy, quickly stifled by a wave of anger.

"Casey," she said, turning around and settling on a mildly interested tone with a slight edge to it. "I didn't know you were here."

"Casey Jones strikes again," he chuckled walking over to her. She noted how his usual 'swagger' was absent. "Terrifying innocent red-heads and talking before he thinks, as usual."

"You," April said with fake pout, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him. "You know that the guys aren't that mad…"

"Yeah, right," Casey sighed, catching the pillow then plopping down on the chair across from April. "I just told em' their brother's good as dead. I don't think they're gonna take it too lightly. 'Specially Raph." April could see a dark look pass over his face. Fear maybe? He suddenly turned to April, his eyes pleading. "I don't suppose you could talk to them? Try to help a guy out?" he asked fervently.

"No way, Casey," April said, her angry tone returning. "You got yourself into this mess, and it's up to you to get out. Besides...I don't think a certain turtle wants to listen to me at the moment."

"Did you piss off Raph too?" Casey asked, cocking an eyebrow. April almost wanted to punch him for being so ignorant. Almost.

"No," she said, her fingers tapping lightly against the arm of the chair, "No, I just...I guess I shouldn't have tried to talk to him. But the poor guy, he's tearing himself apart over what's happened to Leo. He's not himself anymore. He won't talk, hardly eats-"

"-Donnie then," Casey said, leaning back into the chair. His eyes turned somewhat bitter and April could feel the anger in the air. "If you ask me-"

"Oh, just stop it!" April cried out. "You two and your competition over me! It makes you blind and stupid, makes you hate each other! Can't you see how much Donatello, _your friend Donatello,_ is suffering right now? Can't you care?!" Casey bit his tongue, his eyes drifting away from April's face and his expression softening.

"I know," he said quietly. "He's saved my butt more than once and for that I'm grateful. But I can't help it Red. You're the only person who's really been there for me, and I don't want anyone taking that away."

"Casey-" April's throat tightened. "You know that I'm always going to be your friend. Nobody will ever be able to take that."

"Not even a six foot turtle with a head-over-heels crush on you?" Casey said jokingly.

"Not even," April said with a relieved smile.

"Guess I'd better go turn myself in," Casey said, grunting as he stood back up. "Before the turtle police get too angry at me." He grabbed his coat off the chair, where he had cast it aside earlier that day. April watched him, her mind working furiously.

"Hey Case?" April said, glancing at her own coat. "I think I know the perfect solution to your predicament."

. . . . .

Casey glanced over at April dubiously. Her face was turning red from the cold but her smile was warm and her eyes bright as they walked across the yard, the snow falling gently around them.

"You really think this'll work?" Casey asked, frowning as they halted at the barn doors.

"For the most part," April said.

"Wait, for the most part?" Casey asked frantically. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not gonna give a you a freaking script, Casey," April sighed, rolling her eyes. "You have to apologize, and you've got to do it right. Which means that you have to _mean_ it. And, well, Raph might take some more work than the others."

"Oh Lord," Casey breathed out, "Never mind, let's go back."

"No way Casey-" April pushed him towards the barn door. "-this is one fight you aren't going to lose. Not on my watch. I'll be right there with you, ok?"

"Are you sure that will help?" he said, glancing at her. "From the way you put it I don't think Donnie will be elated to see you, especially not you and me together-"

"Donnie can take it however he wants," April said, faking confidence. "I'll deal with him later."

"I wish I had your guts right now Red," Casey said, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously.

"I do too," April breathed out.

Casey bit his cheek and reached to pull open the large door. He paused, his hand lingering over the handle, before he wrapped his hand around it and pulled. Slowly, the door creaked open. Casey cringed. Why did it have to be so loud? It cracked and groaned and he pulled harder. At this rate they'd think he was busting the whole door down. It was one of those giant sliding doors, and he pushed until there was a large enough opening for him and April to slip through. Casey slipped through, blinking to adjust to the dimmer light.

"Hey, it's April!" Mikey came charging around the corner of a pile of crates, a red santa hat pulled over his head and tilted at funny angle. He ran at the redhead and engulfed her in a hug, still a few good inches taller than her despite being the youngest of the bunch.

"Awesome, we were just going to tell you that we found some-" Mikey trailed off, looking over at Casey. They stared at each other for a moment, before Mikey spoke again. "What's he doing here?" he asked, his voice somewhat stiff.

"He's apologizing," April said, shooting him a glare and bumping his shoulder as if to remind him. Casey smiled weakly, his eyes searching Michelangleo's. Not a fake smile...but not a confident one.

"Dude," Mikey's voice was serious as he let go of April and walked over to the black-haired vigilante. Casey almost seemed to shrink beneath his blue eyes. "You messed up. Bad."

"No kiddin'," Casey sighed, looking away.

"And you're sorry?" Mikey asked, looking him up and down as if he were preparing to appraise an item.

"Yeah," Casey said quietly, his eyes flickering around the ground. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

"You mean it?" Mikey asked, crossing his arms for effect.

"Course' I do," Casey said with a sad-looking smile.

"Then all's forgiven bro!" Mikey said with a sudden grin, and before Casey could react Mikey had ran at him and wrapped him in a hug. Casey tensed up, looking somewhat panicked. He tried to wiggle out of the orange-masked turtles grip.

"What the-" Casey frowned, but April cut him off with a laugh and she ran over, joining in and making it a group hug between the three of them. Casey gave in, ceasing his struggles and settled on sighing and rolling his eyes.

"Was a hug really necessary?" Casey moaned.

"Dude, hugs should be given whenever possible," Mikey said scoldingly. "Life would suck without hugs. Besides, everyone likes hugs." His voice quickly dropped down to a whisper and his eyes gleamed with mischief. "Even Raph, but he'd never admit it. Don't tell him I said that."

"Of course," Casey said with a smirk. Mikey broke out of the hug and stuck out his tongue at Casey before he grabbed the santa hat off his head and pulled it down over Casey's forehead. "Merry Christmas! It's Casey Claus!" Mikey laughed. Casey shook his head and laughed, rubbing Mikey's head affectionately.

"Well, Casey Claus has got some serious talking to do, because he still has two other turtles to apologize to," Casey snorted, putting the hat back on Mikey. As if knowing they were being talked about, Donnie and Raph appeared around the corner.

"Mikey-" Raph began, but he immediately froze at the sight of Casey. The air, previously so light and carefree, suddenly turned tense and sour. Casey sucked in a breath. _Well, here goes nothing._

"Uh, hey guys," Casey said, trying to keep eye contact but not being able to keep his eyes locked with the intensity of either of their stares.

"What is he doing here?" Raph growled, his eyes burning with vicious intent. Casey glanced over at April, looking for support, and she urged him on with a smile and bright eyes. He drew as much strength as he could from her, then turned to the two turtles, their looks expectant and furious.

"I just...came...to apologize," Casey said, biting his tongue. Dang, what if he said the wrong thing? What if he messed this up more than he already had?

"Why should we forgive you?" Raph asked coldly, obviously unimpressed.

"Because...you shouldn't. I was a total jerk. You have no reason to believe me, but if it means anything-" Casey took in a breath. "-I'll do whatever it takes to help Leo. I should have never passed him off like that. He's your brother and my friend and if there's a chance, any chance that he'll wake up...I should be helping you, not putting you down."

"Got that-" Raph threw out a colorful word, provoking a glare from Donnie, "-right."

"So...sorry," Casey choked out the words. This hurt his pride in so many ways, but he'd rather have his pride broken than lose his friends. His only friends. Donatello's mouth twisted in thought and his eyes narrowed, as if analyzing the situation.

"Fine, puckhead," Donatello finally said with a sigh, walking up to Casey and looking down at him. "I suppose everyone messes up once and a while."

"Spose' so," Casey said with a half-hearted smile.

"Whatever," Raph grunted. "I guess I won't pound you into the ground. But you and me are not done, believe you me." Casey had no problem believing the hot-headed turtle would keep his word. The look in his eyes was not unfamiliar. When Raph glared at you like that you knew he meant business. Looking at his fists, Casey wondered how many bruises he'd have by the time this was over. He knew how dangerous Raphael could be, even with his friends.

"Well, it isn't hugs and love all around, but I'll take it," April said, her lips slowly curling into a smirk. "Come'on now, you guys all look so somber. I know exactly how to lighten the mood."

"Oh Lord, now what?" Raph groaned, tilting his head back.

"I think you'll like this," April said, her freckled face adorning a cheeky smile. "We're going to play ninja snowball fight."


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :) Well, since I am sitting comfortably at home and all the relatives are coming to our house, I am free to post a chapter as my parents run around frantically trying to prepare food. XD And I figured since it was Thanksgiving I'd better update! Thanksgiving is a a day for giving, and what better gift than another chapter? Anyways, I hope you're all having a wonderful Thanksgiving! :)**

**I do not own TMNT.**

April held her breath, pressing herself against the rock and not daring to move a muscle. Despite her perilous situation, she felt a twinge of satisfaction. Operation 'ninja snowball fight' had been more than successful. She had the bruises from snowballs hitting her at high speed to prove it. There was a slight rustle from above her, and she smiled. Ninjas they may be, but the farm was unfamiliar territory. No high alleyways and deep shadows to hide in; out here it was fairly open, and cover was sparse, not to mention what cover there was happened to be bushes and trees which are very hard to move silently through. Slowly, she picked up a handful of snow, balling it up in her hands until it was solidly packed.

_Deep breaths,_ she thought to herself, _But not too deep or he'll hear you._

A few clumps of snow fell from the branches above her, and April's head snapped up. A figure was cleverly concealed in the boughs of the pine tree. Slowly, so that they didn't catch her movement, she raised her arm, positioning the angle of her throw and flexing her wrist. So far, he hadn't noticed her. Holding her breath, April reeled back her arm, then in a sudden violent snap, threw the snowball. It hurtled towards the figure, and they turned around in surprise. Quickly he tried to dodge out of the way, but not quickly enough. The snowball didn't quite hit him head-on as April had intended, but it did smack into his shoulder.

"Yes!" April whooped, pumping her fists. "Score! Five points for April!"

In a flash though another snowball came rushing at her, far faster than her own. She had no time to react and the snowball hit her in the stomach. She nearly doubled over at the impact.

"Lucky shot," Raph jumped out of the evergreen tree, smirking. "And I'm at thirty one now."

"Oh, shut up," April wheezed, "It's not my fault I haven't been training to be a ninja for my entire life. How do you throw those things so fast?"

"Like you said, training," Raph chuckled, shaking his head. "You've probably got bruises all over by now."

"No kidding," April frowned. "Who knew snowball fights could be so dangerous?"

"Hey, no complaining," Raph said, rolling his eyes. "This was your idea."

"Touché," April responded, straightening herself back out. "So, where are the others at? Or are you guys all playing solo?"

"Don and Mikey might have teamed up, but other than that I have no idea," Raph said with a shrug. "But trust me, they'll show up any minute. They have to have someone to throw the snowballs at, and you're the easiest target."

"Hey!" April said with a fake pout. "That's not very gentlemanly of you."

"Since when was I a gentleman?" Raph teased, plucking April's yellow-and-white striped hat off her head and holding it up in the air.

"You!" April said, putting on her angriest look. "Give it back!"

"Na, you've got to earn it back, sister," Raph laughed. "Gimme your best shot."

"Ok, you asked for it," April said threateningly. With a huff she started to throw punches at the red-masked turtle, but he easily ducked and dodged them, backing up as she advanced on him.

"Come'on," Raph said, ducking underneath a punch to his head. "You'll have to do better than that, red-head."

"Totally not fair," April snapped, backing up a few paces and taking a defensive stance. "What am I supposed to do? You've been doing this your whole life and I just started - what - a year ago?"

"True," Raphael commented. "I learned all the moves you're pulling a long time ago. So do something unexpected! Make something up!"

"How the heck do you just make up a move?!" April protested.

"Use what you know, and then take the environment into consideration," Raphael said, motioning around wildly. "Use it to your advantage, genius."

April's eyes flitted around the landscape. _Something unexpected..._April frowned, growing more and more frustrated by the second. All there was out here was trees and snow, and what the crap could she do with-

It was suddenly like a little lightbulb going off in her head. _Snow! Duh! What can't I do with snow? _April moved suddenly, bending over as she ran and throwing up handfuls of the white powder. It flew everywhere and Raph let a small exclamation of surprise, closing his eyes and blocking his face on instinct. It didn't last long, but it gave April the perfect opportunity to rush in and attack. Knowing his weak spot, she aimed a kick at his knees and it landed perfectly, her foot stinging on the impact as she heard a satisfying thwack. Raphael yelped and stumbled backwards, landing in the snow with a huff.

"Ha!" April said in triumph, standing above him and trying to mask the fact that the kick had probably done as much damage to her foot as it had done to his knees. "I think that earns me my hat back."

"Alright alright," Raph said, tossing the hat back up at her. She caught it mid air rather gracefully, much to her satisfaction. "But next time you're not getting any hints."

"Booyakasha!" Mikey suddenly came hurtling out of a nearby shrub wearing a too-big green and black coat, one arm cradling at least twenty snowballs to his chest while the other one started to throw them rapidly at his red-masked brother. One or two hit Raph before he was into the battle, scooping up snow and balling it up before he threw it in retaliation at his youngest brother. The two danced around in the snow, dodging and throwing snowballs faster than April could comprehend. Some found their mark and others didn't, but the two were both going at each other full force. April almost laughed to think of a time when she had thought snowball fights with regular people were intense. That was a walk in the park compared to this.

"Goongala!" Casey suddenly came charging across the white field, snowballs in hand and a certain purple masked terrapin hot on his trail. Before long the entire backyard was a battle zone, snowballs flying every which way. Donnie, Raph and Mikey were flashing around like bullets, and although Casey was holding his own fairly well he seemed to be having trouble keeping up. April crawled underneath a pine tree for a moment to stay out of the line of fire and watched quietly from her post, like a cat.

Her attention snapped to Mikey, who was backing up towards her as he threw snowballs at all three of his opponents. _Forgot about me, didn't you? _April thought cockily, smiling as she lunged out and grabbed his leg, tripping him. He screamed and came crashing down, almost landing on April, but the girl rolled out of the way at the last second.

"Gotcha Mikey!" April laughed, propping herself up on her elbows and looking down at him. Mikey grinned, his cheeks red with the cold but his blue eyes bright with excitement.

"So you did," Mikey said, poking her nose playfully. "Team up?"

"Totally," April said. They shared a high five before jumping to their feet again. "I'll distract em', you sneak up from behind."

"You sure April?" Mikey asked dubiously. "You're already banged up as it is-"

"And you've got the better and faster aim," April countered. "I don't mind, seriously."

"Alrighty!" Mikey gave her a salute before he disappeared in the shrubbery. April gathered an armful of snow in her arms, careful to keep it light and powdery. _If it worked once, it'll work again, _she thought confidently, running at the three boys and tossing the snow at them with a battle cry. All three snapped their hands up to their face as the snow flew at them, Donnie giving out a particularly high-pitched yelp. April began to grab handfuls of snow, packing them into snowballs as fast as she could and pelting Donnie, Raph and Casey with them. It wasn't long before all their attention had been directed at her. Snowballs were hitting her constantly, but she ignored them and continued to work furiously, snowball after snowball forming in her hands and flying out at one of the boys.

"Red's on a rampage!" Casey crowed in amusement.

"Got that right!" April yelled, a grin covering her face. She shared a quick glance with Mikey, who was right behind the three of them, gathering up snowballs.

"You know, in real battle your tactic wouldn't work," Donatello pointed out, calm and reserved. "You're getting hit way too many times."

"Well, this isn't real battle, is it?" April said, trying to make her voice as cheerful and playful as possible. "Come'on Don, relax a bit!" Donatello smiled stiffly and April felt her light mood sink a little. Their entire exchange felt so forced. _This isn't how it should be._ But before she could ponder on it any more Mikey cried out and began to throw snowballs at the three of them from behind, his arms flashing so fast they were almost a blur. The three boys whipped around in surprise, aiming their weapons previously meant for April at the youngest turtle. April laughed and continued with her snowball throwing, so that there were snowballs coming at them from both directions. The three boys desperately tried to fend them off, but it wasn't long before Casey fell down into the snow, laughing.

"I give, I give!" he said, raising his arms up in surrender.

"Alright, I guess I'll go with Casey on this one," Donnie chuckled. "You win." Raph frowned, but consented and pouted as the snowballs ceased.

"Whoot! April and Mikey take it for the win!" Mikey whooped, sharing a smile with the red-head girl.

"What about the points?" Casey asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You surrendered, so points are no longer valid," April said, teasingly ruffling his hair. Casey stuck out his tongue and pulled her down with a quick jerk. She squealed and fell into the snow, a cloud of white billowing up around her. Mikey giggled and fell into the snow between Raph and Donnie, grabbing their shoulders and pulling them in towards him.

"Aww, group hug!" he said. April laughed and pulled Casey over, both of them joining in the hug. Before long they were all a mass of arms, excluding Raph, who just sat and frowned, but that was Raph for you. Mikey was attempting to be in contact with everyone, resulting in a very squished hug, with Raph somehow ending up being in the middle of it all. April laughed as his mouth twisted into a disgusted look.

"Why am I in the middle of this-?" Raph growled, trying to worm his way out of the four pairs of arms.

"Cause you weren't hugging anyone," Mikey sniffed, faking at resentment. "Serves you right." April laughed at the look on the red-masked ninja's face and she just hugged his arm tighter. Donnie's eyes sparkled with new life as he rested one arm one Mikey's shoulder and the other on Raphael's. Casey was trying his best not to smile, but April could read the laughter on his face. And to be honest, the hot-headed turtle being in the center of a group hug really was amusing. After another few seconds Raph started to force them off him.

"Alright, sappy time is over," Raph scoffed, prying Mikey's hands off his stomach. April detached herself, followed by the other three boys.

"Well, I think that went well," April said, breathing out deeply, clapping her hands together and looking at the four boys. She could still see the uncomfortable tension between Casey and Raph, but that was for them to sort out. She had already done more than her part.

"That went awesome!" Mikey said, practically bouncing with excitement.

"Who's up for hot cocoa?" April asked cheerfully. "And not the stuff from the packets either, I can do it homemade!"

"Hot cocoa party!" Mikey said with a sense of finality. "No ifs, ands, or buts."

"Fine by me," Casey shrugged.

"Sounds fun," Donatello said with a smile, his eyes purposefully looking at Mikey instead of April. The girl tried to not notice his obviously uncomfortable gesture.

"Whatever," Raph said, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

"It's settled then," April said, flashing them all a cheerful grin. The group of five walked back to the house, chattering quietly and sounding quite a bit more happy than a day or two ago. April smiled, rubbing her hands together to keep them warm.

That had went even better than she had expected.

. . . . .

Raphael watched the snowflakes starting to fall as the troop headed back to the house. As much as he hated to admit it, April's little snowball game had been fun. It had been too long since they had done any sort of training, even games. With Splinter gone and Leo unconscious, there had been no one to pester them about it. _Does that responsibility fall on me now, being the oldest out of the three? _The thought troubled Raphael. He had never cared much for all that responsibility crap. That was Leo's expertise. But who knew how long it would be before Leo woke up? It had only been a month where they hadn't been training and already Raph noticed that him and his brothers were a little rough around the edges. As much as he hated to admit it, they needed to train, and he was not only the oldest one of the brothers, but the oldest in the entire house. Nobody else would take the responsibility upon themselves.

Raphael shoved thoughts of training and responsibility aside and instead focused on a more imminent issue; Casey. He still wanted to beat some sense into the punk, but no matter angry he was, Casey had apologized, which was more than Raph had expected of him. Maybe he'd give him a little leeway. Well, either way he was sick of this fight and he planned on ending it now.

As they approached the farmhouse, Raphael faltered for a moment, then completely stopped. "Hey. Jones," Raph growled. Casey turned to look at him in surprise. "You stay here with me." Raphael pointed at the ground in front of him to emphasize his point. Casey's eyes flashed over to April and Mikey, panicked, but they offered him no help and instead just continued on towards the house. Mikey gave Casey an encouraging smile before he disappeared inside followed by April and Donnie.

"Uh, alright," Casey said, biting his lip and cautiously making his way over to Raph, who waited with his arms crossed and his expression anything but amused. It was one of the few times Raph had seen Casey actually scared of him. Even when they had first met the hockey-playing teen hadn't been afraid of his grotesque figure.

"Look Raph, I'm really sorry-" Casey began, but Raph cut him off with a glare.

"Yeah yeah, I've already heard your little spiel," Raph grunted.

"...so what is it you want?" Casey asked tentatively, rocking on his heels nervously and keeping his eyes on the space just to the right of Raphael.

"You know how I work," Raphael said, rolling back his shoulders.

"Yeah," Casey sighed, clenching his jaw. "Yeah I know how you work pretty darn well."

"Then you know what I want," Raphael growled, setting himself into an offensive stance. His feet were spread wide apart and his fists held up to the level of his shoulders. Casey set himself into a defensive pose, swallowing nervously. _You'd better be nervous Jones, _Raph thought, narrowing his eyes. They stood off silently for a minute, their eyes locked and neither making a move.

Suddenly Raphael snarled and sent a kick into Casey's side, well-aimed and fast. Casey hopped backwards, avoiding the kick, and Raphael's foot hit thin air. They began to circle each other carefully. Raph threw a punch at Casey's cheek so fast that Casey hardly saw it coming before it hit. He grunted and flinched backwards at the impact.

"You can be a real jerk, y'know that?" Raphael growled, his fists still clenched and his eyes dangerous.

"It just came out of my mouth before I could think about it," Casey said, ducking a punch to his head. "You of all people should understand that."

"We already lost Splinter," Raphael snarled, panting heavily as he danced around Casey, throwing punches and hitting him more times than not. "April's dad, your family, Karai; too many. I'm not planning on adding Leo to the list. Are you?"

"Not on your life," Casey said through gritted teeth as he landed a kick on Raphael's stomach. Raph took a few steps backwards, rebalancing himself.

"Good," Raphael said, his arms trembling with adrenaline. "Cause I'm not putting up with any more of your little outbursts."

"I'm with you to the end Raph," Casey said as he took a punch to the arm. "You know that."

"Well I'm starting to doubt it Jones," Raphael snapped, giving Casey a kick to the chest that was a little harder than he had first intended.

"I was frustrated because everyone felt so detached from each other and I didn't like it," Casey wheezed, putting one hand on his ribs where Raphael had kicked him. "And I was losing hope on Leo, alright? I'm still freaking terrified for him, and I didn't want to raise false hopes."

"So did I," Raphael said intensely, grabbing Casey's coat collar and jerking him forward. "But I think I'd rather take a chance and go with hopes that might be false than give up on him. You don't give up on brothers."

"Never," Casey said confidently, putting his hands on Raphael's shoulders. They stared at each other unflinchingly, Casey slightly trembling. Raph searched the teens eyes. In a second the red-masked turtle had twisted around, grabbing Casey's shoulder and flinging him over his shoulder. Casey screamed as he soared up, then came crashing down into the snow with a thunk. Raphael watched with a slightly amused look as Casey landed in the snow with a grunt.

"What the-" Casey cursed from his spot in the snow, not even bothering to get up.

"Alright, calm down," Raphael snorted, offering a hand to Casey. "I threw you into a snowdrift, so your landing was soft. No complaints." Casey frowned, taking Raph's hand. Raphael pulled him to his feet and Casey brushed himself off.

"We cool then?" he asked cautiously, cocking an eyebrow.

"You look pretty 'cool'," Raph said with a smirk. "Like a snowman."

"I'll take that as a yes," Casey laughed, punching Raphael's arm lightly. Raph wrapped his arm around Casey's neck and put him into a headlock, violently ruffling his hair and laughing. Casey struggled against him, grunting angrily; but a smile adorned his face. After a moment Raph released him and Casey stood up, straightening himself out.

"Welcome back to the family, Casey Jones," Raphael teased. The two fist-bumped before they headed back to the house.

_Not a bad day, _Raphael thought to himself, smirking with pleasure. _Not a bad day at all._


	8. Chapter 8

**So I wanted to post this on Christmas, but I couldn't manage to finish it, so it's a couple days late. :( Sorry bout' that! I hope you enjoy it nonetheless, and Merry (late) Christmas everyone!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"You know," Donatello sat in the armchair, studying the small piece of chocolate in his hand. "I've noticed that chocolate tastes sweeter when you're upset. I wonder if the same goes for life. Do good things seem better when your life is a mess?" Shrugging, the purple-clad turtle popped the chocolate into his mouth.

"Since when are you a philosopher?" Raph drawled out as he flipped through the scarce amount of channels on their television.

"I guess since today," Donnie forced out a laugh as he took another piece of chocolate. "Where did we get this stuff anyways?"

"Dude, you've been really out of it, haven't you?" Raph said, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "Don't you remember? April went to the store last week. That really tiny one that it takes half an hour to drive to? Apparently they have chocolate there."

"It's good chocolate," Donatello said. "Although it's the only chocolate I've ever had, so who am I to judge?"

"You're so weird," Raph muttered with a slight shake of his head.

"Raph! Donnie!" April's voice rang out from the kitchen, and Donatello felt a twinge of guilt at the very sound of it. Dear Lord, how could one girl put him in such emotional turmoil? At times he hated her for putting him through it, but then he hated himself for even thinking he hated her. "Hot cocoa is ready!"

"She sounds like she's playing at being our mother," Raphael snorted, getting up off the chair. "Although I'm not sure I could handle a little short red-head following me around telling me to go to bed and wash my hands before meals." Donnie half-heartedly laughed at the thought, and Raphael's smile faded.

"Hey. Donnie," Raph leaned over, putting a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. His green eyes were intense. "I'm here if you need me. Ok?" Donatello was slightly startled at the action. Raphael had never been one to offer comfort, but the oldest wasn't hesitating now. Donnie looked into his eyes and saw something flash in them for a moment. Something not Raph-like at all. Something that reminded him of...Leo.

"I'll be fine Raph, really," Donatello said with a sad smile.

"I'm not an idiot Donnie," Raph growled, his hand clenching tighter around his shoulder. "I know that the situation between you and April isn't going great, but remember that she's _just_ a _girl_. If she doesn't make you happy, then she isn't worth it." Before Donnie could reply Raph had already left, gone in an instant. A moment later his voice came from the kitchen.

"You got totally _creamed _in the snowball fight today April." The comment was quickly followed by the sound of a towel smacking against skin and a chorus of "oooohs" from Mikey and Casey.

Donatello sank down further into his chair, staring into the fireplace and contemplating Raph's words. Did April make him happy? He wanted to say yes. When he was around her he felt lightheaded and dizzy. She was beautiful and talented, not to mention she was able to hold her own fairly well. But every time he talked to her he left wanting more, wishing for more. She never gave him what he wanted, just held it right above him, like teasing a dog with a bone that's just out of it's reach. Donatello's gut twisted. He wanted to scream. Scream at April, scream at his brothers, scream at the world. Instead he stuffed the feeling deep in his chest in an attempt to stifle it.

"Donnie?"

The voice set him off in panic mode. No, he couldn't face her; not now. Excuse, excuse, he needed an excuse-

Leo.

Frantically Donatello scrambled to his feet and ran over to the stairs. He caught a flash in his vision before he was clawing his way up the stairs and ignoring the voice behind him calling out, "Donnie, wait!". Rounding the corner and nearly tripping on the rug, he flew into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, breathing heavily. Here he was safe from the turmoil. He looked around. Faded blue walls with oversized white wood baseboards. Chipped and cracked black and white tiles. It was a small room, and there, in the left corner, was the never moving figure of Leonardo, as he sat in the tub, stripped of all his gear and missing his mask. Without his mask, he looked vulnerable. Nothing like their leader. Slowly, Donatello inhaled, then exhaled.

"Hi Leo," he said quietly, a small smile escaping him despite himself. Meticulously, he grabbed a stool and went over to his brother, sitting down and leaning forwards to look at him closer. The worst wound, the gash in his stomach, seemed to be getting better, and his breathing wasn't so shallow anymore. The small scars where glass had stuck into his older brother's skin were starting to fade. Donnie sighed in defeat. Any day Leo could slip out of reach; they had no way to monitoring his vital organs or anything. What really bothered him was that he couldn't figure out what part of his brain had been injured, as they had no scanning machines, so there was nothing he could do but hope that in time the damage would reverse itself. Every time he came in the room he held his breath, praying to whatever higher power would listen that his older brother was alright.

"Leo, I…" Donnie shook his head. This was crazy; he was talking to an unconscious person in a coma-like state. Leo only had a fifty-fifty chance of remembering anything he said if-no, _when _he woke up. Instead of deterring him, it made the urge to talk stronger.

"So, things have been pretty crazy lately," Donnie sighed, rubbing the sides of his head. "I snapped at April and I just...I don't know. I feel awful about it. And Raph brought up a good question. He asked me if April made me happy, and I don't know the answer, I don't seem to know a lot of things lately." Donatello continued to ramble, if only to distract himself. "April is the most amazing girl I've ever met and I'm a freak of nature. By all means I should have no chance with her, but...but I can't help but _try. _I could really use your advice right now big brother. You've always been the one who's smart about this kinda stuff."

Donatello brought his own shaky hand to Leo's and held it tightly, staring at his closed eyes. "Wake up," Donnie whispered under his breath. "Please."

"I already tried that, and it didn't work."

Donatello whipped around, his eyes crazed. They landed on the red-masked figure in the door and he quickly relaxed. "Oh, it's you again," Donatello sighed, turning away from his brother. "How did you know where I was?"

"It wasn't hard to figure out," Raph said with a half-hearted laugh and a shrug. Silence filled the room, but it was a relaxed, comfortable silence. Raphael walked over to join his younger brother as he went down on his knees and looked at Leonardo.

"Everyone's wondering where you are," Raph said quietly, his voice lacking it's usual roughness. Donatello shrugged, not tearing his eyes away to look at Raph. "You know you have to face them at some point, right? You'll have to face her." Raphael countered gruffly. Donnie flinched slightly.

"Can I just be alone? Please?" Donatello asked in a broken voice.

"We've all been alone for the past month," Raphael growled. "I think that's enough of that to last us the next year."

"Since when you are the one who resolves conflicts?" Donatello asked with a frown.

"Since...this," Raph said, motioning at Leonardo. "With Leo out, I'm the oldest. And I can't let you guys down. I can't let Leo down. I'm trying Donnie. But I'm not a leader, not like him." Raph sighed, putting his head in his hands. "None of us are."

"He'll wake up. And it'll be fine," Donnie said, but his voice wavered. "You'll see."

"Guys!" Mikey's head suddenly popped into the room, his orange mask tails bouncing with every motion of his head. "You're missing out the the best hot cocoa on the planet!" Raph threw a glance at Donnie, but the purple-masked mutant didn't move. Mikey's eyes flickered between Donnie and Leo, understanding dawning upon him.

"Leo will be fine," Mikey said with a slightly smaller smile. "He's a tough cookie. He'll make it out alright."

"Ok, I'm coming," Donnie sighed in defeat, standing up with a grunt. Mikey clapped his hands together, dancing into the room and pausing next to the bathtub just long enough to put his hand on Leo's for a moment with a slightly solemn expression, then he had grabbed Donatello's arm and was dragging him out of the room. Raph watched, amused, as the two younger brothers disappeared around the corner. The red-masked terrapin made a move to get up, but paused, glancing back down at Leonardo.

"I'll try Leo," Raph said, taking in a deep breath. "I promise. But you know me." Raph let out a short laugh. "I freak out in stressful situations, I make quick choices, I've got an uncontrollable temper." Letting out a deep breath, Raph shook his head. "I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that. Honestly Leo, look what you're doing, getting me to admit my flaws and control my temper. You should be ashamed." Raph clenched his fist, closing his eyes. The silence filled him up and curled unpleasantly in his stomach.

"Yeah," Raph said softly, relaxing his muscles and looking down at Leo. "I thought that's what you'd say."

. . . . .

"What is this?"

April let out a yell and lunged over just in time to cover up the bag of groceries on the counter that she hadn't unpacked. Casey drew back his hand and backed up a few paces, raising an eyebrow questioningly. April frowned and quickly regained her composure, grabbing the bag and holding it behind her back.

"It's Christmas gifts," she replied in a snappy tone. "So no peeking."

"Whoa, what?" Casey said, looking confused. "Christmas gifts?" April sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of Christmas gifts before Jones. I knew you were dim-witted, but how on Earth-" April began to drawl out, shaking her head.

"No no no, what I meant was why are you getting Christmas gifts? It's not like anyone needs them," Casey said. Raph passed by and gave them both a curious look.

"Christmas what?" he said, glancing at them suspiciously. "I think we've had quite enough 'Christmas' for one day, thank you very much." Mikey perked up from his spot on the counter and leaned out to get a better look.

"It's Christmas, and I'm getting gifts," April said firmly as she stuffed the bag underneath the counter. "That's what you do at Christmas. Surely you guys have gotten Christmas gifts before?"

The three terrapins shared glances. "Not really…." Donnie said uncertainly. "Maybe we got some new weapons or something, but they weren't all wrapped up and stuff…"

"My dad doesn't even give me gifts on my birthday," Casey retorted. "And my sister's too young to buy me anything."

"You have got to be kidding me," April said, slack-jawed. "You've never gotten Christmas presents before? How is that even possible when you live in freaking _America?"_

"Don't ask me!" Raph replied, throwing his hands in the air as if surrendering. "I don't know half of the things people do in America. We were raised in the sewer by a guy who lived in Japan, remember?"

"Well, I guess I've got to spoil you then," April said with a smirk. "To make up for all the other Christmases." The boys replied with a series of groans. April tutted teasingly as she put another kettle of water on the antique stove. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me." As she worked diligently on her second batch of hot cocoa, Donnie stared into his cup. Christmas presents...the gears started to turn in his head. Presents. Perhaps the solution to his dilemma had been lying right in front of his nose the entire time.

Donatello yelped as he was wrenched away from his thoughts by a green and orange flash whizzing past him. Mikey crashed into the living room and was quickly followed by Raphael, who had a devilish grin on his face.

"YEAH! FIGHT!" Casey whooped, running after them.

"DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!" April yelled, her voice sharp and a slight growl in her tone. Immediately after there was a series of screams before a loud crash and the sound of many hard objects hitting the floor.

"And there goes the bookshelf," April sighed, rubbing her forehead. Donnie couldn't help himself; he let out a low chuckle and smiled for a fraction of a second. April sent him a tentative smile, but by then he had already returned to his indifferent expression. April felt her stomach sink a little at the action. Was he still mad at her? She hadn't realized...but then again, he was under a lot of stress, so most of the things he said probably weren't true, just spur of the moment words. _You just keep telling yourself that April, _an absent thought retorted.

_Oh, shut up,_ she thought angrily, pushing back her little commentary. She had always heard people say that talking to yourself wasn't a good sign, but from everything she had learned from her scientist father, it seemed everybody seemed to have arguments and conversations with themselves.

She glanced back over at Donnie and found him staring out the window, his eyes taking on the glazed look that meant he was deep in thought. It was times like this when April allowed herself to stare at him, as he was paying no attention to anyone or anything at all. Silently she put down the rag she had been holding and leaned on the table, looking over at him. Ever since they had met she had become fascinated with his strange human-turtle body. It was like nothing she had ever seen, and the way that the animal merged so perfectly with the human was stunning to say the least, and almost a little scary. She knew how rough the green reptilian skin was; she'd held that three-fingered hand countless times. There was no part of him that was soft in any sort of way; it was hard and rough and firm with the muscles built from over a decade of training. His shell was hard as a rock and the back was able to take nearly any weapon's blow. There were chips and cracks and faded out spots, and underneath it all was a delicate swirling pattern, etched in from birth. In fact, she had never noticed how beautiful his shell was. It was like a piece of art in itself, and the marks only added to its personality. She wanted to draw the swirling pattern in her journal.

All these thoughts turned to guilty ones when Casey floated back up to the top of her thoughts. How could she be admiring either of them when she hadn't chosen which one she liked?

_But you like both of them. _The thought came up quicker than she could stop it.

_Nonononono, not an option, I'm not going to be a double dater or a cheater, _April thought frantically. _Honestly, I was raised better than _that.

_Then choose, you idiot. _Her mind automatically had a smart comeback and she almost flinched.

_Soon. Soon. _She thought comfortingly to herself, taking a deep breath. _I promise. But in the meantime..._April's eyes flickered over to the drawer where she had stuffed the presents and she smiled openly this time. She may not have been a ninja master, but she had a keen eye and she paid attention to people, not to mention she got these weird feelings about things sometimes. All of that combined made her confident that the boys would find their presents very desirable.

"Hey, I say we go back out to the barn and bring in those decorations!" Mikey's voice piped up from the other room. "Just think about how pretty it'll look in here!"

"Your head'll look pretty when I'm done with it," Raphael's growly voice snapped. "All black and blue. That'll be _real_ pretty." The threat made April want to shrivel up. She knew he didn't mean it and he was a soft guy underneath, but sometimes he scared her. Ok, more like he scared her a lot.

"You're such a goofball Raph!" Mikey said with a laugh.

"I'll go with you Mikey," Casey said, and April could picture his face perfectly in her minds eye. She also could almost see the grin that Mikey would be wearing at the moment.

"Wait up, I'm coming too," Donatello said, blinking the glazedness out of his eyes, then standing up and leaving without so much as a glance. April frowned. Was he ignoring her? Or perhaps hiding himself? Either way she didn't like it. There was a grunt of general consent from Raph, and then the four boys were trooping out of the house together. They created a loud clamour as they went out onto the porch, and then the door closed and April was suddenly very alone.

Well, not quite alone.

She grabbed her gifts from under the counter, then headed for the staircase. Cautiously, she made her way up the stairs. She hadn't seen Leo by herself for a while, and although there wasn't much for her to do in there she felt obligated to visit him. Each step made a soft creak as her foot hit the wood, and she counted twelve of them before she was at the second level. Then she was headed down the hall, and before she knew it she was going into the bathroom.

_It's a good thing we have two bathrooms, _she thought to herself somewhat comically. _Or Leo might have had to wake up one day to one of us showering or using the toilet. That would be awkward. _

She came in to the familiar setting and headed straight for Leo. Giving him a quick look over, she smiled when she saw his wounds were healing nicely. Then with gentle movements, she placed her hands on his wrist and began to massage them. Donnie had stated early on that his muscles would get stiff if they just let him sit there motionless, and April had been assigned to the task of taking sure that didn't happen. When she asked why, Donnie had told her it was because she had small, gentle hands. He had held up his own hand and told her jokingly that a massage with his hands would do more harm then good. She looked at Leo as her hands continued to work at his tense muscles.

"You're doing good Leo," April said, talking to herself more than anything. "You'd be upset if you knew how much stress you're causing." She laughed to herself. "You're the one always telling everyone not to worry about you." She looked down and her laughter faded away, her massage faltering.

"Hey Leo?" she said quietly. "We miss you. We could really use you right now."

At her words, the hand she had been massaging suddenly clenched into a fist and Leo's breathing sped up. April gasped and her hands flew away as she stared wide eyed. Leo's hand slowly unclenched and he let out a long breath, before his breathing returned. April sat, dazed.

"Leo?" she finally managed to squeak out, but the turtle didn't respond. The action was hardly proof of consciousness. _It could just be a muscle reaction, or a symptom or something, _April thought, trying to calm herself down. But it had seemed like he had _heard _her. And no matter how many times she tried to stifle it, the small action gave her hope.


End file.
